there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
