i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am naked and annoyed.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
