dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
