You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
