i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
