Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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