my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Randomize
