this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
