I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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