The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
