Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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