come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
