on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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