i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i think my mom watched the whole time
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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