I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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