Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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