**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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