omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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