She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
