Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I cannot find my penis.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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