He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
