So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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