she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
