Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
