I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
