You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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