He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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