I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Its about making memories worth repressing
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
