You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
