We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
