She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
