Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
