guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
