I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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