i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
