your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
