does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
