did i walk over a car last night?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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