Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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