Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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