You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
