So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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