the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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