I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
