I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
