Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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