how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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