The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
