I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
