i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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