i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
